A Different Spirit: Creating Meaningful B'nai Mitzvah for Children with Disabilities

A first-of-its-kind resource guide for inclusive b'nai mitzvah celebrations.

For too long, teens with special needs have been on the margins of the Jewish community. As for any child, their b'nai mitzvah should be a joyous time as they transition into adulthood and affirm their commitment to their community.

A Different Spirit: Creating Meaningful B'nai Mitzvah for Children With Disabilities is designed to help clergy and families navigate creating a meaningful and inclusive celebration for all. This collection of essays includes inspiration and practical guidance on planning a celebration, managing accommodations and settings, and teaching children with special needs, as well as personal stories and a deep understanding of the concept of inclusion.

Edited by Howard Blas, the director of the National Ramah Tikvah Network which provides inclusion and vocational training programs support for young adults with disabilities in camps, and Emmy-award-winning Ilana Trachtman, director of the acclaimed documentary Praying with Lior.

This resource discusses planning for teens with:

• Autism
• Anxiety and other mental health issues
• Visual impairment
• Deafness
• Non- and minimal speech
• Mobility challenges
• Learning differences

Featuring contributions by Jacob Artson, Daniella Bardack-Tarrab, Meir Yishai Barth, Rabbi Allison L. Berry, Shelly Christensen, Rabbi Menachem Creditor, Wendy Elliott-Vandivier, Meredith Englander Polsky, Jennifer Fink, Elaine Hall, Dr. Sheldon H. Horowitz, Gabrielle Kaplan-Mayer, Matan A. Koch, Serena Leigh Krombach, MA, MSEd, Rabbi Darby Jared Leigh, Jessica Leving Siegel, Batya Sperling-Milner, Dr. David Neufeld, Rebecca Redner, Arlene Remz, Rabbi Rebecca Schatz, Pamela Rae Schuller, Dr. Stephen Shore, Rabbanit Aliza Sperling, and Rebecca Wanatick.

Overview: A Different Path

CHAPTER 1

Accepting All: Creating a Culture of Inclusion and Belonging

Shelly Christensen

How inclusion elevates the spirit of the Jewish community and creates a sense of belonging.

CHAPTER 2

Created in God’s Image: The Message of Our Tradition

Rabbi Menachem Creditor

How b’nai mitzvah for children with disabilities is an affirmation of the essential Jewish tenet.

VOICES

My Bar Mitzvah Led Me Home

Dr. Stephen Shore

A reminiscence about autism, a bar mitzvah, and a gift decades later.

Part 1: A Different B’nai Mitzvah

VOICES

The Two Best Days of My Life

Jacob Artson

Reflections from a minimally verbal man about his bar mitzvah and his neurotypical twin sister’s.

CHAPTER 3

Beyond Physical Access: Creating an Inclusive Synagogue Community

Rebecca Wanatick

Guidelines for adapting physical structures and changing attitudes to create a fully welcoming environment.

CHAPTER 4

It Takes a Community: Building Support for the B'nai Mitzvah Journey

Gabrielle Kaplan-Mayer

Tips for parents on assembling a b’nai mitzvah planning and support team.

CHAPTER 5

Start With a Dream: Services, Celebrations, Guest Lists, and More

Gabrielle Kaplan-Mayer

Ideas to inspire families planning a unique milestone celebration.

CHAPTER 6

Envisioning the Experience: A Checklist for Getting Started

Rebecca Redner and Arlene Remz

A planning checklist for clergy and educators to use with families.

CHAPTER 7

Sibs in the Spotlight: Remembering the Needs of Siblings

Jessica Leving Siegel

How to create a welcoming, uplifting b’nai mitzvah experience that includes the other children in the family.

CHAPTER 8

A Happening: Invoking the Arts to Express the Soul

Elaine Hall

Arts-based practices to help children learn and connect with their b’nai mitzvah experience.

CHAPTER 9

By a Lake or in a Tree: Celebrating in a Camp Setting

Dr. David Neufeld

The hows and whys of holding a b’nai mitzvah at summer camp.

CHAPTER 10

B’nai Mitzvah or Not: When It Should Be Off the Table

Rabbi Allison L. Berry and Matan Koch

Are there ever reasons not to pursue b’nai mitzvah for a child with disabilities?

VOICES

Wrestling with Theology, Pedagogy, Disability, and My Parents

Yishai Barth

A doctoral student with multiple disabilities reflects on his bar mitzvah.

Part 2: Different Teaching

VOICES

What If I Bark on the Bimah?

Pamela Rae Schuller

Reflections on her bat mitzvah from a woman with Tourette syndrome.

CHAPTER 11

New Ideas for Your Toolbox: Being the Great Teacher You Already Are

Meredith Englander Polsky

Techniques to make differentiated instruction work for every child.

CHAPTER 12

Reading Challenges: A Multisensory Approach to Teaching Hebrew

Rebecca Redner and Arlene Remz

Strategies and support to help children with diverse abilities learn to read Hebrew.

VOICES

Reflections on My Anxiety-Filled Bat Mitzvah

Jennifer Fink

Yearning to feel empowered, not anxious, by my bat mitzvah.

CHAPTER 13

Connecting the Dots: A Bat Mitzvah for a Braille Reader

Batya Sperling-Milner and Rabbanit Aliza Sperling

How a blind teen read Torah at her bat mitzvah.

CHAPTER 14

Opening Channels: Working With Deaf and Hard of Hearing Students

Rabbi Darby Jared Leigh and Serena Leigh Krombach

Best practices for identifying and accommodating students’ communication preferences.

CHAPTER 15

A Perfect Storm: B'nai Mitzvah, Mental Health Challenges, and Being Thirteen

Dr. Audra Kaplan

How parents, clergy, and educators can help foster positive self-esteem and connection.

CHAPTER 16

Teaching Their Torah: Beyond the Traditional B’nai Mitzvah Speech

Rabbi Rebecca Schatz

Inspiration for alternative ways to share what they’ve learned.

CHAPTER 17

Learning Disabilities: The Diagnosis Does Not Define the Child

Dr. Sheldon H. Horowitz

Supporting children with learning, language, attention, and behavior disabilities.

VOICES

Say Something

Daniella Bardack-Tarrab

Reflections about her bat mitzvah from a woman with speech impairment.

CHAPTER 18

No Talking Required: Preparing Minimally and Nonspeaking Students

Rebecca Redner and Arlene Remz

Two case studies and the possibilities for working with and using assistive communication devices.

ABOUT THE EDITORS

ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS

GLOSSARY

INDEX

“Where was this book when my own children with disabilities approached their b’nai mitzvah? We had no road map and would have cherished the wisdom gathered here—the honest reflections, an abundance of practical tools, and generous stories from others who had walked this path before us. If you’re a parent preparing for your child’s b’nai mitzvah, or a clergy member or Hebrew school director or teacher seeking to understand what a child and their family need at this precious and sensitive time, this book is the companion you’ll be grateful to have by your side.”

—Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses, Romemu, New York City

“Howard Blas and Ilana Trachtman have given our Jewish community an extraordinary gift. A Different Spirit is a call to conscience, a wellspring of practical wisdom, and a celebration of every child’s sacred worth. It opens our hearts and imaginations to what b’nai mitzvah can—and must—be when we honor every soul as b’tzelem Elohim, created in the image of God. I am inspired and deeply grateful for this indispensable resource.”

—Rabbi Angela Buchdahl, Central Synagogue, New York City

“Children with disabilities have too often not been included in bar and bat mitzvahs, leaving them and their families excluded from the synagogue community. This pioneering book is transformative. It declares not just that we can, but that we must include these children; and it offers a wealth of practical advice on how to make meaningful ceremonies for these children. This book will change lives, families, and communities.” 

—Rabbi Chaim Steinmetz, Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun, New York City

“A Different Spirit is an unparallelled resource for individuals, families, and professionals. And well beyond its practical value, it opens unimagined paths toward full spiritual inclusion and communal membership.”

—Andrés Martin, MD, PhD, Riva Ariella Ritvo Professor, Yale School of Medicine

“This wonderful book is guided by a passionately and uncompromisingly held principle that there is simply no physical, cognitive, or psychological challenge that cannot be met, indeed, that has not already been met. [Blas and Trachtman] challenge us to recall and help us to embody an elemental truth of Jewish life: the Torah belongs to all of us. This book is a significant contribution to Jewish life for which we should all be grateful.”

—Rabbi Shai Held, president of the Hadar Institute and author of Judaism Is About Love: Recovering the Heart of Jewish Life

“This immensely accessible, useful book is an invaluable resource in making the message of b’tzelem Elohim a reality. It will be read with gratitude by parents, rabbis, educators, and the children themselves.”

—Mark Oppenheimer, author of Thirteen and a Day: The Bar and Bat Mitzvah Across America

“An extraordinarily important book that should be essential reading for synagogue and community leaders, educators, and truly, for everyone. It offers valuable insights, guidance, and comprehensive information to support families with a member with a disability as they navigate Jewish communal life, and it also deepens our sensitivity to becoming more inclusive in all aspects of our community.”

—Debbie Niderberg, co-founder and executive director of Hidden Sparks

“Invaluable information and advice for any parent of a child with a disability who is planning a b’nai mitzvah—and in fact for every Jewish parent planning one. There has never been a more comprehensive compilation of knowledge on the subject than this.”

—Rabbi Mordechai Liebling, faculty emeritus at Reconstructionist Rabbinical College

“Finally! A definitive how-to guide that offers concrete advice and spiritual wisdom to make the b’nai mitzvah experience truly accessible to everyone. A Different Spirit should be on the shelf of every rabbi, synagogue staff-person, and Jewish educator." 

—Jay Ruderman, Ruderman Family Foundation

“A vital resource for clergy, educators, parents, and individuals with disabilities. In the spirit of ‘nothing about us without us,’ A Different Spirit provides the powerful perspective of individuals with disabilities, whose reflections about their experiences add richness and depth to the conversation. Moreover, readers will discover that in considering the needs of individuals with disabilities, they will, in fact, be moving their congregations or schools to a more welcoming and inclusive stance for all members of the community. This book has my strongest recommendation as an educator and as a parent.”

—Professor Jeffrey Kress, provost and Dr. Bernard Heller Professor of Jewish Education, Jewish Theological Seminary

“A wonderful book on many levels. . . .With many insights about the Jewish faith and a theological understanding of being created in the image of God, the book offers inclusion resources, accommodations, family supports, and most of all, hope that any child with a disability can be valued, included, and appreciated as a child of God.”

—Rev. Tom Jones, executive director, Faith Inclusion Network

“This book is a wonderful testament that each person is created in the image of God and therefore should be treated with respect, dignity, and inclusion. Each person brings their own unique blessings to the world.”

—Tamir Goodman, former professional basketball player who has severe dyslexia

“[The authors] understand the value and the magic that the b’nai mitzvah ceremony and event mean to all Jewish youth and their families, regardless of their physical, mental, or financial status. Thank you for your deep commitment to supporting the next generation of Jews, in all our forms.”

—Peter Shapiro, music entrepreneur, owner of Brooklyn Bowl and Capitol Theater, publisher of Relix Magazine